Friday, June 30, 2006








I had my first reading on Wednesday and it went really well. I thought I was going to be nervous, but I was surprisingly calm. I'm sure it didn't hurt that every time I looked into the audience I saw family members and close friends.

I read a section from Part III, when I am studying abroad in Paris.

I just need to put a little space
between me and the panic.
I need a little bit of calm
so I can get a grip
and hold on to something,
to pull myself up and out.


THANK YOU to everyone who came out to support me.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

More NYC readings!

Can't come see me on June 28th @ Teabag Poet's Lounge....here's one more chance.

Tuesday July 11th, 7pm--FREE
Bluestockings
172 Allen Street [between Stanton and Rivington]
http://www.bluestockings.com/

Bluestockings is a radical bookstore, fair trade cafe, and activist center in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Come support them . . . and me.

Monday, June 26, 2006

I am already getting fan mail!

I think it is completely amazing that I am already getting fan mail!
I have only written a few fan emails, and there were all after I had a book deal--as if that gave me some sort of credibility...

I think it's really courageous to send an email to a stranger, praising them, without the certainty that you'll get a reply. But I suppose the reply is secondary. . . sharing how the work made you feel is the important part.

"When I read some of your book, I didn't feel alone anymore."

"Your words described some of my own experiences so precisely, it made me look back at those times and appreciate how far I've come, how much stronger I am, and how much I've grown."

"I felt like I was reading my own journal entries from years ago when I struggled with anxiety attacks. Thank you SO MUCH for writing your book. I hope young people who are fighting their own battles with the consuming anxiety and fear will read your book and find comfort. I wish I had read this when I was going through my hell."

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

For many years, having an anxiety disorder shaped nearly every bit of my life...

For the last few years, whenever I tried to talk about my experience with anxiety disorder, I ran into the same problem. I couldn’t describe myself as having an anxiety disorder because I’d gone months without having a panic attack. And I couldn’t say I had an anxiety disorder because I still felt its effects.

Trying to find the right verb was more than just semantics. For many years, having an anxiety disorder shaped nearly every bit of my life—where I went, who I went with, how long I stayed. I do not believe that anxiety disorder can be flipped off like a switch, and accordingly, simply using past or present tense did not accurately reflect how I was feeling. The body has an unbelievable capacity to remember pain, and my body was not ready to forget what I had been through. It was only about a year ago that I settled on saying, “I am in recovery from anxiety disorder.”

I was diagnosed with panic disorder only a few months into my freshman year of college. My first attacks were scattered and seemingly without pattern. But it wasn’t long before the attacks picked up speed and I was having several a day. I often felt nervous, not in control of my body, and convinced that I was going to die. As their frequency increased, it became difficult to do normal things like go to class, the dining hall, or parties.

It was textbook panic disorder. Only I didn’t know that. I thought I had gone crazy and that all the things I hoped for in my life—that my parents hoped for—were gone and that I’d become one of those stories (the one about the nice young girl who goes off to college with a bright future and comes home with a fistful of pills and a blank look on her face).

I am thankful that I possess two qualities: being forthcoming about my feelings and being proactive about my health. I believe that these qualities are a big part of the reason that I was able to ask for help. And getting help was surprisingly easy. One fall afternoon I went to my college’s counseling center and asked for an appointment. Within days I was seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and was on medication.

That was ten years ago. Since that fall, I have seen more than a half dozen therapists and taken as many different medications. I’ve had two episodes where I nearly checked myself into a hospital. I have been to yoga and meditation classes, swung tennis rackets at pillows, practiced the art of breathing, tried hypnosis, and taken herbal remedies. I’ve done things that once seemed impossible—like going to crowded concerts or sitting with relative ease in a packed lecture hall. I’ve also gone many months at a time without panic attacks or medication. Most recently, I published I Don’t Want to Be Crazy, a memoir about my experiences with panic disorder.

People want to know why I’m better. They want to know the formula. Again, this is not a simple question with a simple answer. For sure, fluctuating hormones, growing older, moving out of my parents’ house, and becoming more confident and secure with myself have all impacted my recovery. The only thing I can say with certainty is that my commitment to therapy and my willingness to try new medications has made the most difference.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I Don't Want to Be Crazy readings in NYC

I'll be doing a short reading with several other poets at Silk Road Café/Teabag Poets Lounge.The second one is at KGB with Ned Vizzini, a super author. If you can only make it to one event, this is the one to go to.

Wednesday, June 28th
8:00-10:00 p.m.
Silk Road Café/Teabag Poets Lounge
30 Mott Street
$1 at the door, with $5 drink minimum
www.teabagnyc.com/poetslounge.shtml

Thursday, July 20th7:00-9:00 p.m. [CANCELLED, WILL BE AT END OF AUGUST]
FREE Reading
[also with Ned Vizzini, author of Its Kind of Funny Story www.nedvizzini.com]
KGB Bar
85 East 4th Street
www.kgbbar.com

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Monday, June 12, 2006

I'm on seventeen.com




My book is on Seventeen magazine's Web site!!!
http://www.seventeen.com/funstuff/games/

Which must-read book should be on your summer reading list? Take this quiz for a list of six exciting books that you won't be able to put down!

My book falls under the DRAMA category:
You thrive on hearing the latest gossip and juicy secrets! That's why we know you'll be into books with a mix of romance and drama all rolled into one!

What they say about my book:
A true story, this book is about coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha first left home for college, she thought she was leaving behind all the things that were holding her back from independence -- her parents, her boyfriend and the person she was supposed to be. But, as new pressures in her life increase, Samantha begins to suffer from anxiety attacks that leave her shaken and even physically incapacitated. She then heads on a journey down the road to discovery, learning to cope with her new disorder.

Sightings!


There has been a sighting! A writer from Arizona bought my book in Borders.
So, this makes it officially ON SALE!

I'll have to go to my local book store to see it for myself...